I didn't have the privilege of knowing him, Andy, very long. My brother and sister-in-law have only been married 5 1/2 years and I was living in another state for most of that time. So our contact was minimal - a few holidays here and there. Never really got any sort of 'tradition' established for the extended family. But knowing Andy was a privilege. And I know that he was - is - a great guy. He loves his family intensely. They are all so important to him. And, essentially, this is why he did what he did. Though I am also sure it is not the answer his dear wife, wonderful daughters and sons-in-law and sweet grandchildren would have picked to respond to the difficulties they seemed to be facing.
I think that this past Saturday will be one of those days that I'll always remember, even as sort of remote as the impact really is for me. My brother called late morning asking if I could come watch their kids. I could hear some quality in his voice so knew something wasn't right (and he's a police officer, so it kind of takes a lot any more to shake him up). He blurted out the basics of what happened and so my husband and I scooted out the door and drove to their home as fast as we could. It ended up being a long day with the kids - almost 3 and almost 2 respectively, - midnight before we got home. I am so grateful I could be of some help to my brother and sister-in-law in the immediate aftermath. And it was a good way to spend the day - plenty of opportunity to pray for all concerned - Andy, his family, all individuals who feel they are in such a desparate situation that they contemplate this act - while we did puzzles, played games and read books. That helped me immensely and I feel confident that it is helping everyone in some way, too.
I still have much more praying I need to do about all of this, I am sure. One thing I've noticed over the years, though, every time your life is touched by death in some way - the passing of a loved one or whatever - the issues are unique. It is not always, at least for me, about praying about what life really is or means. There are other new ideas that need to be learned and understood. So I know there are more lessons here.
Okay, so, this blog post is supposed to be related to Bible study. How is that fitting in here? Well, Sunday was kind of a long day as well - mostly filled with waiting. Waiting to see if or how we could help further. By the end of the day, I was pretty tired, so I climbed into bed with my weekly Bible study guide. (I use the Christian Science Weekly Bible Lessons as one of my Bible study tools.) The lesson topic for this week is "Are Sin, Disease and Death Real?" Wow, how appropriate! I was very grateful for this - knowing that I'd find some answers to help me think through the previous day's events.
After I read it, I put the booklet aside and laid down. I was suddenly and totally overwhelmed with tears. I just felt this agony for Andy's four precious grandchildren - the youngest about 9 months and the oldest almost 3. I knew that, in one way, they are so protected by the ages they are at right now. They aren't experiencing the drama of the situation. They'll get to be untouched by the immediate impact of it all. But I still ached for them in that they wouldn't have this wonderful grandfather to grow up with (and my brother's two will not have any grandfather as our father passed on 12 years ago). That is, or at least can be, such a special relationship! And, having seen Andy with these children, you couldn't miss how much he cherished each of them. Oh, how overwhelmingly sad it felt to think of these dear ones not having that love and lavish attention from their grandpa!
As I lay there crying and calling out to God from some help, the words "Abba, Father" came into my thought. [These words are used a three times in the New Testament. Their use in Paul's Epistle to the Romans 8:15 was part of this week's Bible lesson, that I had just finished reading.] Abba is a term that essentially means Daddy. In this part tof Paul's letter, he is talking about our sonship with God, and our right and privilege, by adoption into His family, to call Him Daddy. The tenderness of that word, the closeness it evokes, is really wonderful and warming. As I thought about these words in relation to Andy's grandchildren, I realized that all the love and tenderness Andy expressed to them had its source in God in the first place, and those kids are never going to lose the love God envelopes them with! They'll still be loved, cherished, cared for, lavished with attention - just what our dear Daddy does for all of us - it will all just be coming from other people in their lives (grandmothers, aunts and uncles, etc.). They can't miss out on good - no one really can.
These ideas brought me such comfort. The tears soon stopped and I just felt so grateful for God's care and all of his wonderful ideas. Since then, I have not felt an inkling of that distress and continue to love and cherish those children and that whole sweet family in my thought (as if I wasn't any way, just seems like this needs to be turned up a few notches right now!). They can all continue to feel the love their human father and their divine Father expresses toward them. (I know I'll be listening for ways to help them feel it!) And they all will certainly keep the memory of Andy alive for each other over the years. Thank you dearest Daddy, Father!
- Here's a thought from Science and Health by Mary Baker Eddy that reflects this thought: Page 332:4-5
"Father-Mother is the name for Deity, which indicates His tender relationship to His spiritual creation."
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