Test Time

It is that time of year again I think – midterms! I was remembering when I began taking classes for a graduate program about a decade ago. I was at an unfamiliar university. In a program that was new to me. I had an overload of classes. And I held a teaching assignment in an unfamiliar subject. And now -- tests!

I was scared. So scared, in fact, that I could hardly study. Every time I tried -- with my textbooks, notebooks, cue cards, handouts -- I got nowhere. I couldn't focus on anything except how hard these tests were going to be. How did I get into this graduate program anyway? Why was I doing this to myself?

Taking a walk on the Sunday morning before all of these exams, I really reached out to God for an answer. A Bible passage I'd always liked came to mind: "God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (II Timothy 1:7)

I thought about the statement, rolled it over and over in my mind. And then something about it struck me -- there's a distinction between fear and the three good things listed: power, love and a sound mind. God doesn't give us all four, but only the latter three. Fear doesn't come from God, and I didn't want anything that didn't come from God.

I sincerely believe that the only thing I can have comes from God's abundant love, the source of everyone's intelligence, including mine. It was giving me the strength, and the love, and the sound mind I needed to take the tests.

As I thought about these ideas that fall day, I started to feel joyful. My fear dropped off, because God's good was filling me up with a sense of goodness. I began to think more clearly. When I got home, I found I could focus on the work I needed to do to prepare for these tests. Any time the fear tried to sneak back in, I thought about that Bible passage and how fear and a sound mind cannot mingle. Soon the fear would go away again.

I took four tests that week. I did great on the three that were most important to my degree. The fourth, however, did not go so well -- but all was not lost. A couple of days later, my advisor called. He actually apologized for not realizing that I was so overloaded that semester! He didn’t understand that I was actually teaching a class on my own, not just assisting a professor with one. He strongly encouraged me to drop that problematic course, which I gladly did.

The next time tests came along (and you know they did!), I was off to a much better start. I didn't have to conquer fear again -- just the subject matter.

Here's a link to an idea from Science and Health, too, that describes what these spiritual views can do for us, whether a student or not, why the study of divine Science is so helpful in all ascpects of life.